Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
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No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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