Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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