i think my mom watched the whole time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize