The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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