I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
3pm strippers are depressing
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize