she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize