I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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