for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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