Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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