I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Couch. On fire.
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