A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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