I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize