I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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