I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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