I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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