it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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