My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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