oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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