And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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