am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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