He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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