I can text with my tongue
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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