Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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