I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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