HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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