I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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