The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize