Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize