what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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