Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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