dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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