The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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