Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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