Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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