She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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