okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize