a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize