i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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