I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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