Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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