genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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