He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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