He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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