I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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