also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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