and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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