just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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