Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she told me i tasted like america
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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