so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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