Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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